I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
