shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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