What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
