Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
What drink are we having for lunch?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
