At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
