i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
