I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
only you would photoshop your dick
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
