you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
