We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
