this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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