i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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