1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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