So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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