I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
