my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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