So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Randomize
