That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I got inside last night via doggy door
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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