I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
