I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
