Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
