It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
