just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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