Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
