we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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