I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
