i just sent this text using only my big toe
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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