I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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