I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Boobs speak an international language.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
