I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
