so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Dear god my vagina.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
