Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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