I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You may now shotgun with the bride
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
