nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
