i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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