They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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