How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
