Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
