Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Im part way to drunk.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
