Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
