i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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