I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
