non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
