And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
