Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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