We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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