then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
she peed on how many people?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Randomize
