My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
