I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
