They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
