The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
