brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
