Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
