don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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