He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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