Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
