Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
