I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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