Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
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