Define "chronic" masturbator.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 ðŸžðŸ·
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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