I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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